Friday, March 21, 2014

motherhood is bittersweet

A lot has happened since I last wrote here...the biggest being that I became a mother. Why don't I just start from there.

Motherhood is bittersweet.
The other day Little Man rolled over for the first time and I found myself jumping up and down and clapping my hands. I ran from the room to get the video camera with so much joy I could have burst. I was insanely proud of him.
Later, I was holding him in my arms, watching him sleep and my heart started to ache. I realized he was one step closer to growing up. One step closer to not needing me anymore. The time was flying by me.
Then I realized that that is okay because no matter how far he gets from me, I will always be his biggest cheerleader. When he scores a point for his team or makes a good grade. When he tries a new food or gets accepted into college. When he meets the girl of his dreams or travels the world I'm going to be there cheering him on.
My heart still aches a little when I think about the day when I'm not holding him in my arms, feeding him a bottle, in those quiet, early morning hours. His sleepy eyes looking up at me and his little hand resting on mine. At the same time I can't wait to watch him grow up. I can't wait to see what and who he becomes.

Motherhood is bittersweet and I will be there cheering him on the whole way.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Eat, Pray, Love: India

"And that's why God needs us. Because God loves to feel things through our hands.

During this book, Eat, Pray, Love, I have laughed and cried, felt sorry and hungry, wanted to travel and see the world but reading about her journey in India makes me want to pray most of all.

I have been with her as she searched for God and a spirtual awakening, you might say. She has been held back by her guilt from her failed marriage and spent months in an Indian Ashram trying desperately to find something to ease it. She sat on a rooftop of the highest building one night and told herself to forgive. Forgive herself, forgive her ex-husband.

She couldn't be any closer to God standing on that rooftop and she decided to not come down until she found some peace. She created her own spirtual ceremony. She said that "if you bring the right earnestness to your homemade ceremony, God will provide the grace. And that is why we need God". After her homemade ceremony she did a spontaneous handstand. "We have hands; we can stand on them if we want to. That's our privilege. That's the joy of a mortal body. And that's why God needs us. Because God loves to feel things through our hands."

This past weekend Zak and I and our friends, Jeneane and Jason all went hiking. It was a beautiful day that screamed Spring has arrived! I had a lot of fun. Of course everybody who knows me knows I'm not an advertureous, lets get dirty, kind of person and this hiking trip had its moments that were...well, just that. After hearing what Liz said about "that's why God needs us" and doing a handstand and feeling the dusty tiles underneath her hands and feeling the cool breeze on her feet, it made me think about how many times I've not used my hands. How many times I've tucked them close to my body so they don't get dirty or I don't get a bug on me. Instead, I should be feeling everything, taking everything around me in.

I'm not going to lie. I definitely need to get over some serious fears of bugs and spiders to fully appreciate my new desire to touch, feel, and use my hands. But that is where prayer comes in. Prayer for God to use my hands the way he needs them to be used and to feel what he needs me to feel.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Joy of Luck: Day Seven

Day seven and final day in the Joy of Luck is about your rainbow. What will luck bring for you in the future. I chose family and happiness....My little personal rainbow.

Joy of Luck: Day Six

Day six in the Joy of Luck is about Who is a Blessing? Right now in my life my best friend since 2nd grade is moving away. So, to her I want her to know that I'm so lucky to have her in my life and she is a blessing to me. I can't even begin to start on the memories we have together but she knows them and I know them. We seem to have a lifetime already and they won't end here...

Monday, March 21, 2011

The Joy of Luck: Day Five

Day 5 in the Joy of Luck was about capturing what has brought you the most luck/blessings.

I definitely have to say being married to Zak has brought me the most blessings. There have been so many laughs and moments I wouldn't have had if it weren't for him. It is so nice to be with someone who gets everything about you.

I also have to say that my niece Maddie has brought me many blessings as well. She is my little sunshine and I am the luckiest Aunt to have a niece as sweet as her. She makes me laugh, keeps me entertained, and is growing faster than I can keep up with.

Holding her when she was a few hours old

Taken a couple of weeks ago at age 4

The Joy of Luck: Day Four

Day 4 in the Joy of Luck was about capturing 7 material things that we love. I am so lucky for everything I have and it was very hard to narrow it down to 7 things. Here we go...

1. The picture Zak and I bought on our honeymoon. We said it would always hang somewhere in our house to always remind us of that time.

2. My new khaki jacket I bought this weekend. I have been hunting the perfect one for a few months now and I finally found one I love!

3. My camera. Zak bought me my camera after we were married and it has become one of the best gifts ever.

4. I can't live without my chapstick and it is only Burt's Bees for me.

5. Cupcakes!! Anyone who knows me knows about my love affair with cupcakes. They had to be included. These are ones my Mama made for St. Patricks' Day. They are delicious!

6. Orange Juice...Pulp Free...Tropicana. Just like that. I'm very picky. I have two unopened cartons in my fridge as we speak and Zak doesn't even drink it..ha!

7. My books. I wish I had more room for all of them. They are stuffed in my drawers, closet, and our one little bookcase. This is just one shelf...

So, there you have it. My 7 favorite material things.

What's yours?

The Joy of Luck: Day Three

The Joy of Luck: Day 3 was about lucky symbols. Something we have or do that we feel will bring us good luck.

I thought of my Dad's necklace that he gave me when I was little. It is a four leaf clover and I wear it sometimes for good luck and because it was my Dad's.

The Joy of Luck: Day Two

Day 2 of the Joy of Luck is about capturing the green! Green can represent new beginnings as well as color and so the prompt for Day 2 was to capture anything that brings newness, new beginnings, life, or hope.

I chose our adorable birdhouse. We have had this birdhouse since we got married and every Spring we get a new little family. With all the warm weather we have been having it was inevitable that over the weekend our new family of birds started moving in. We found the straw from last year all over our porch where it had been recently cleaned out. I'm sure soon we will be seeing them flying in and out feeding their new babies.

The Joy of Luck: Day One

I'm onto my next project, The Joy of Luck. This time we are documenting the things we should be lucky about in celebration of St. Patrick's Day!

Day one was to capture an object/thing/concept that we take for granted on a daily basis. Something someone, who is not as fortunate, would say that we are lucky to have.

I chose my education. I definitely take this for granted. It was hard to get out of school and not be able to find a job but I realize that there are a lot of people who didn't even get a chance to go to college in the first place. How lucky am I?

We were also suppose to take pictures of our "gift" at different angles. Sometimes it takes a few shots to get the right outcome. Here are mine...

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Happy Birthday Mama!

I'm a little late posting this blog post but I'm giving a special shout out to my Mama who had a birthday a few weeks ago!
Happy Birthday!!
We celebrated by having a birthday party with cake and ice cream and presents. We ate pizza and talked away the night.

My Mom opening her presents.

Some jewelry

Fiestaware: Salt and Pepper shakers

Jelly Bellies, Popcorn flavored!

A new rug for the guest room

A CUTE jacket from Old Navy!

My Dad and I were the paparazzi for the evening and we had fun playing with our cameras.

Here is my Mom posing with her presents. I hope you had a great day Mama.